Meditation-Phobia

I don’t have fond memories of meditation.

I once dated a yoga instructor who took me to a weekend yoga retreat.  What word comes to your mind when you think of a yoga retreat?  Relaxation?  Yeah, that’s what I thought too.  But now the word that comes to my mind is … PAIN!

Yoga poses sit on me like a knapsack full of jagged rocks.  I’m sure there is a different way to reorganize those rocks, but my body can’t seem to find it.

My introduction to meditation during this weekend “retreat” was an hour long kneeling pose done in silence.  Maybe they had some ocean waves audio going on, I’m not sure.  But the pain of kneeling in complete stillness for an hour will never entire leave my body and mind.  (I’m sure I could have changed positions, but I’m a guy so I toughed it out.  What can I say?)

There were also the cleansing sessions which culminated in forced vomiting and diarrhea (the latter being assigned as homework), but that’s for another blog.

So when my new ADHD psychotherapist Jennifer (did I mention that I have a huge crush on her?) let me know in our first appointment that as part of our work she will be teaching me to meditate …well … I had to smile and say YES! (because I have a huge crush on her).

We did a 10 minute session together, her talking me through it (her voice sounded just like those gentle crashing waves), while I sat on a comfortable couch and mentally followed her instructions.  Hey, I have to say, this meditation was WAY better than that other time.  And Holy time-traveling Easter Bunny, Batman, it actually worked!  I was gone and came back.  When I opened my eyes it was like WOW, we’re back here again!

My homework is to download a free app called CALM and meditate on my own.  Now I must say, I am not feeling as successful while meditating on my own.  I scratch my head, crack my knuckles, wander my mind to the most random places, and I grunt, groan, and giggle.  All having nothing to do with the instructions of the sweet woman’s voice on the app (which also eerily sounds like gentle crashing waves).  But at least I’m doing it.

I have ADD.  Actually doing it while not being completely enthralled by it is a victory for mindful meditation everywhere.

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