It’s a “Separation”, Not a Separation

Here’s how the slippery slope of my separation happened.  Its actually a “separation”, not a separation.  More on that in a second.

Stage 1:  For the last year or so our 3 year old son Isaac comes into our bed half way through the night.  The bed becomes too crowded and so I go and finish the night in his bed.

Stage 2:  Since January my wife Ellen starts going to bed at the same time as Isaac, and it just makes it easier for them to go to bed together.  I start and finish the night in his bed.

Stage 3:  Ellen takes Isaac back to her home town for a couple of weeks without me, with the expressed purpose of getting away from me.

Stage 4:   When they returned, 2 weeks ago, it was decided that Isaac really should be given the option of sleeping in his own bed, so I had to find another place to sleep.  The basement.

Ok, so all this doesn’t sound too good for our marriage.  I agree.   And also, you might be wondering why Ellen does not want to sleep with me (including have sex with me).

My ADD gives me extreme highs and lows.  I want a real relationship, a passionate relationship.  My relationship means everything to me.  Ellen is content with a steady, boring relationship where we have sex once a week, and if there is any creativity involved in the sex it would have to come from me because she has no interest in that.

So I’ve had a few episodes of anger/depression which last a few days because I just don’t know what to do.  This scares Ellen, and she can’t stand the tension I exude, and so she wants a reprieve from that, at least in the bedroom.

We are “separated”, not separated, because Ellen says she fully intends to regroup herself and start our relationship up again when she has recovered.

I’m actually doing a lot better in the sense that I do not experience extreme lows while I have no expectation around sex in our relationship.  But I am not happy.  And I can’t see myself opening up again in an attempt to get back to our old life, which I wasn’t happy with in the first place.

Ugh.  Happy Easter everyone.



2 Replies to “It’s a “Separation”, Not a Separation”

  1. Have you and Ellen thought about counseling? Even if only a few sessions? Sometimes, it helps to have a mediator who will give unbiased opinions and advice. If you and Ellen argue or disagree, especially if one or both of you think you are always right, it could benefit you both to have a third party involved, at least for input of the important issues. Maybe if possible you and Ellen could plan a getaway together? Maybe visit a place you have before for the weekend to help bring back some happy times. Maybe fall in love all over. Having young kids sometimes puts a strain on a marriage, for several reasons. But if you can get through the tough times together, you will reap the rewards later. All this will be a memory someday and I wish you the best.


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