Crush

I thought for sure that I would be writing this blog every day.  Especially during the first week!  Well, apparently not.  And not for lack of material.  But perhaps I’ve just had too much going on.  I’ve actually got too much to write about now.  Its not going to all come out now, but I’m thinking on those quieter days, in the future, little bits and pieces will poke themselves out of this keyboard and say “Hi.  Remember me?  I happened.”

Yesterday I say a new psychotherapist.  She specializes in ADHD and seems very knowledgeable, both from an academic perspective and from personal experience.  Of course, it’s the personal experience that I’m most interested in.  Being the amateur armchair psychologist that I am (ok, I just like to get to know what makes people tick), I’m trying to figure her out as much as she’s trying to figure me out.  She has the upper hand as I’m the one doing all of the talking about myself.

Jennifer seems like a great person.  She’s knowledgeable, yes, but also enthusiastic and interested and current.  She’s sensitive, curious, and I believe passionate.  Wow, I’ve got a crush on her.

Its in my nature to take a tiny morsel of the real world and extrapolate it into an entire fantasy novel in my head.  I’m sure Jessica knows this, since she seems to know so much about me already, just having an intimate knowledge of ADD.

I tried not to make intense eye contact, nor look away too much.  Its been an issue of mine for as long as I remember.  The eye contact thing.  Not too much, not too little, but just right.  Everyone seems to do this so naturally, and yet I have to think about it every time.  Sometimes I try looking into a person’s eyes slightly unfocused, but I’m not sure what that looks like for the other person.  Like I’m not engaged?  I dunno …

Its especially difficult when all I want to do is look directly into their eyes, Jennifer’s eyes.  Did I mention that she’s beautiful?  How does one person get to be all that.  Damn I forgot to look for  a wedding ring.  She would probably wear one anyway, whether she’s married or not.

Did I mention that I have been banished to the basement as part of a document called “Separation Document” that Ellen sent to me a couple of days ago?  (I believe that gives me the right to fantasize at least).

Did I mention that I have a crush on my new psychotherapist, Jennifer?  I’m going to continue to see her because she was really good and gave me new things to think about, and is introducing me to meditation in order to help me manage my crazy emotions.  But I’m especially going to continue to see her because I have a crush on her.  Is that wrong?

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