This is a bad time to start a blog. My wife Ellen is coming home in a couple of hours after being away for two weeks. She needed a break from me.
I had two weeks to myself. All by myself. I could have started this blog two weeks ago. But instead, I alternated watching Netflix and masturbating all day long. And now, how exactly did Greenday put it … “When masturbation has lost its fun …”
I’m actually quite nervous about her coming back home. We’re not doing too well. I don’t know where I’ll be sleeping tonight. Maybe downstairs in the basement, which we agreed upon when she left. Maybe in my son Isaac’s room upstairs since he no longer sleeps in his own bed, but sleeps with his mom. The least likely place would be in my actual bed, with my actual wife.
Welcome to my world.
On the other hand, I am SUPER EXCITED about starting this blog. Maybe it’s a subconscious distraction for me in the days, weeks, and months ahead. Because I will no longer be watching that show “This Is Us” with Ellen.
I just don’t want to cry that much when I don’t have to. Ya know what I mean?